Freedom in Forgiveness

One of the hardest things I had to do to follow Jesus was to forgive a family member who had hurt me deeply for over two decades. Before I started getting closer to God, forgiveness for this person felt impossible. But one Sunday, after a sermon that felt like it was written just for me, something shifted. My heart started to change. Just like that—twenty years of anger, resentment, and hurt started to fade. A single message, plus some time studying what God says about forgiveness, led to a breakthrough I never thought would happen.

Up until about a year ago, forgiveness was my biggest struggle. And when I say struggle, I mean STRUGGLE! I know some of you might be feeling the same way. Maybe a friend betrayed you, a parent hurt you, or someone else wronged you in a way you can’t shake. I get it. The pain, the anger, the weight of it all—it’s real. And if you’re anything like I was, letting it go feels impossible. But I pray you open your heart to what I’m about to share. 

The verse that changed everything for me was Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” 

When I read that, I thought, “Well, dang.” So you’re telling me that in order for me to receive God’s forgiveness, I have to forgive this person who’s hurt me beyond belief—someone who hasn’t even apologized or shown an ounce of remorse? At the time, this person had my number blocked, wanted nothing to do with me, and honestly, I felt the same way. 

But here’s what I realized: what was keeping me from inheriting the kingdom of God was my pride. My pride told me not to let these feelings go. Because if I did, who would acknowledge my pain? Wouldn’t that mean it never happened? Wouldn’t that be unfair to me? 

So, foolishly, I held onto my bitterness for so many years, afraid that if I let it go, everything I suffered would somehow be erased. But then I came across Romans 12:19: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

That verse comforted me because I realized I can let my pain go because God saw my pain. And His justice is way better than anything I could come up with. Holding onto anger wouldn’t change what happened—it would only keep me stuck.

So, I had to make a decision… Did I want to keep holding onto my bitterness, or did I want to receive the fullness of God’s mercy? I had a long list of things I needed God to forgive me for. So how could I ask for His grace while refusing to give it to someone else? 

I chose to let it go. Because I love Jesus more than I loved my resentment. 

I texted the family member that day. Half-expecting the message not to go through, half-expecting no response even if it did. But the moment I hit send, I felt free. Lighter. Like a weight had been lifted off me. The person didn’t respond that day, or the next, or even that week. But about two weeks later, I got a call out of nowhere. 

The call was emotional. My message had meant a lot— my apology for my part and my forgiveness had been weighing on this other person’s heart. Shame had kept the call to me from happening sooner.

That’s when I realized—we both needed this white flag. But I had to be the one who loved God enough to raise it first. 

Matthew 5:16 says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” And that day, I believe I made my Father proud. Because through my forgiveness, I became a light. And through that, he was able to see God in me.

If you’re still feeling like forgiveness is impossible, let me leave you with this: Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life. He gave hope and healing to those in need. And yet, He was brutally beaten and crucified. Jesus had every right not to forgive us. We weren’t the ones who physically nailed Him to that cross, but our sin put Him there just the same. And yet, He calls us His children. Still, He chooses to forgive us. 

And all He asks in return? That we do the same for others.