Keep Your Mouth Shut
Almost from the time I could talk, I often got in trouble for what I said. I was very good at saying exactly what I wanted – and if it was mean, and if it was rude, if it’s what I wanted to say, I said it. It was my most effective weapon after being hurt or angered. My parents told me to watch what I said; that what I said left marks and that I could not completely heal those marks once they were made. But I continued to speak reactively, before I measured the impact of what I was saying.
Of course, as I got older, I realized the truth of these warnings. Relationships were strained or damaged from hurt feelings and a need I fed that said, “If you hurt me, I will use my words to hurt you back.”
The Bible is known for its wide-reaching, and timeless wisdom. The book of Proverbs is focused on wisdom for its readers. So – in connection to the aforementioned habit of mind, let’s see what God has to say in Proverbs about speaking reactively.
Proverbs 21:23 says, “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.”
Ok. Obviously, my parents were not the first to offer this advice. And this translation, the NLT (New Living Translation) is very direct (very my style you might say…..). The upfrontness in the language here speaks to me. There are three actions here, “watch”, “Keep…shut”, and “will stay”. So the first two are in the present tense – meaning do this NOW, and the third is in the future. So how does it work to help us do better? It’s broken into three steps.
First, “watch” what we say. Think about the words and ideas about to come out of our mouths before they do. Are they helpful? Are they restorative?
Then, “keep” our mouths “shut”. Based on the first command, there’s an inferred idea here that once we think about our words, they will likely prove condemning, hurtful, etc. Therefore, we are told to not say anything at all.
Finally, the future tense of the last action helps us to realize the benefits of following commands one and two. We “will stay out of trouble” if we think about what we are about to say in reaction to something, AND when we choose not to say it.
It is a set of commands that I am still working on. It is not intuitive for me but I do want to preserve relationships and I don’t want to regret what I say or say things that are reactive. Notice that the verse doesn’t expect us not to feel things, or feel things that will prompt a potential negative response; in fact, if we are being commanded in these ways, it’s exactly because we will be in situations where we will want to speak reactively.
God offers us grace, forgiveness and the ability to control what we say. Join me in trying to follow these three steps. They are clear, and their results are what we long for – to stay out of trouble. God loves me even more than my earthly parents did. If He wants me to watch what I say, and if He asks me to keep my mouth shut, it’s for the best. The best for us, for others and for God’s glory.
