Oof!

5:30 am Sunday morning – “Oof” was what I wrote as a comment to a verse during this morning’s devotional time. I could not come up with a more articulate response. I felt like I had been socked in the stomach by the direction and wisdom in the short sentence. I imagine “oof” might be the sound I’d make if I was actually socked in the stomach. Let me explain.

“Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.” Proverbs 10:12

Proverbs is a book of wisdom. There’s wisdom here for sure. But there’s also direction. Notice that it doesn’t say “Hatred can ….. Or love might …..”. Hatred and love are the subjects of this sentence. Hatred has one clear action, “stirs up”, and love has a clear action, “makes up”, and the sentence does not allow for misinterpretation or half effort. This provides direction to the reader as to what their hatred and love WILL do, not what it MIGHT do. The “but” also gives direction; if we need to make up for an offense (a quarrel perhaps?) then love is how we should power that action.

I want to say I don’t hate anyone. But I don’t readily forgive and I often allow resentment to build. Essentially, that’s hatred; it’s ill will that I’m feeding. This weekend, I was angry with my husband and this verse reminded me of my tendency to stir up quarrels when I’m hurt or disappointed. It sets up a sinful mindset, and my response is to stir up a quarrel. Now, I am not talking about a healthy disagreement where I clearly and calmly express how I am feeling and what I need; I am talking about picking with and on my husband because I’m hurt and disappointed. And oh, I can go on and on and on. I hadn’t this time; I had started the quarrel, then stopped and he had left for his trip Friday. I didn’t pursue the quarrel via text or pick it up when he returned Saturday. I was SO proud of myself but….

Then I read this verse Sunday morning. Even though I had not continued the quarrel, the offense I had created through quarreling was impacting our ability to communicate two days later. So now, because I was hurt and responded from the hurt, he was also hurt. So, how do we resolve that? Relationships are HARD! I realized that I needed to approach him and apologize for my behavior and allow space for him to do the same. We needed to talk about how to avoid potential future hurt of the same kind. We needed to power our interaction through our love for one another, and not our hatred of one another’s mistakes, or bad behaviors. I needed to inform my reaction with God’s wisdom in Proverbs.

I’m making slow progress– and I know God blesses my efforts when I focus on God’s direction first, and my love for others second. God wants us to love first but because He knows our tendencies, he gives directions for how to make amends. He doesn’t want us to power our interactions with hatred, but with love. The ability to do this takes God’s power through prayer and practice. I hope you also have an “oof” response to God’s wisdom! After you do, ask Him to open your heart and mind to see things through a loving lens.