When Motivation Runs Dry
God has called me to be in ministry and I hope to do that full time someday but I found the ministries I am involved with haven't really been as exciting and fun as it once was for me. I feel like I have lost my spark and passion for what I once loved and was so motivated to do and I don’t know how to get that back. I have wanted to stop multiple times and have cherished the moments I don’t have to do anything but yet I keep going because I haven’t been told by God to stop. It’s sad to me that I have lost my drive and to be honest have only been doing the bare minimum. I want to contribute more and have been pushed to contribute more but it has only felt like an obligation.
I wrote those words during a time where I felt like I was doing a lot but felt spiritually empty and I just didn’t know what to do anymore. At first I didn’t even notice the downward direction I was heading in. My prayer journal seemed to reflect a consistency over some time – same topics again and again. But was I consistent? I have always struggled in prayer; so the consistency was not always a true reflection of what I was feeling inside. I don’t think I noticed how empty I felt until I literally stopped caring about the things God had laid on my heart – places where He was calling me to be involved. Once I came to that realization, I started to pray for motivation but nothing really changed.
Then as I was reading I Surrender All, by Priscilla Shirer, there was this chapter that talked about exactly what I was going through and it felt like she wrote that chapter for me. In this particular chapter, she said something that jumped out at me immediately. “Yet I often didn’t realize I was operating from a place of habit and obligation rather than passionate, enthusiastic fervor. I’d just grown so accustomed to the rhythm of doing that I’d neglected my state of being” (Shirer 145). As soon as I read that I immediately highlighted and wrote in the margins “me basically this whole summer.” She perfectly captured what I was feeling and why, even when I myself had no idea.
As the chapter continued, she talked about three application steps she took when she found herself in this season and the one that helped me the most was to remember. When I was called to remember my journey with God and how it has progressed, I went and looked through my prayer journals. I saw how I started to cultivate my relationship with Him. I had stopped seeing all the prayers I did over “little things.” What I mean by “little things” is that basically anything and everything I was worried or anxious about I wrote down and anytime it was answered I tried to do my best to remember to write that down for this very reason! I need to look back and see all He has done for me. The remembering helped me to connect with God more because I came to know just how much He cared for me by helping me with the “little things.” I think I stopped relying on God as much and in the process thought that I didn’t need Him as much anymore.
“28Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never becomes faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding…31but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40: 28,31 (CSB)
This verse is a call to remember. Remember that God is everlasting and He will never change. Remember that because God created us, no one knows what we need more than Him. Remember that because He never becomes weary, He is strong enough to handle things we can’t. Remember that because there is no limit to His understanding, you don’t have to even explain how you are feeling because He already knows. Looking back at this season, I realized that I was losing “my first love” (Revelations 2:3-5, Matthew 22: 36-40) and in doing so, I lost why I was even called to ministry in the first place. Since then, I have been trying to be really intentional about the heart of God and His character. When I am doing my bible reading and prayer time, I try to start out by thanking Him for who He is or the things He has blessed me with, and to not forget just how much He loves and cares for me. In doing so, I have felt so much peace and joy and am motivated again to share and encourage others about God’s love!
