Prayer Warriors and a Firm Foundation
I’ve had a very hard time managing grief in my life for the past 12 years (If I’m honest, closer to 20). But in the last five, it all went truly over the edge. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, hopelessness, rage – name an out of control negative emotion and I’ve felt it and likely acted on it. Some of these emotional decisions included drinking more than I should, avoiding everyone, sleeping too much, and lashing out (especially at my husband). People tried to help. They offered advice, comfort. They were such bright stars in my dark sky.
Fortunately, I’ve had a relationship with Jesus for many years. At 9, I clearly heard His voice and accepted Him as my Savior. I have therefore had time to develop relationships with women who became prayer warriors, and I developed a firm foundation in God’s Word.
Two favorite verses at the time of my salvation were John 10:29 and Matthew 10:29. The first is, “My father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” The second is “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.”
Both are about the strength and care of God; “snatch” and “fall” are heavy ideas for a nine year old. But these are the verses that calmed and comforted me even then. I’ve held onto those, while learning the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and the sovereignty of His will and His timing (Habakkuk 2:3, Galatians 6:2,9, Peter 3:8-9). So for the first 25 years of my life I was building a foundation in God’s Word long before I knew what life had in store. And even though, yes, I have faltered, hiked through valleys of doubt, questioned God and wished for a new life (or none at all), God never left me. He never allowed me to be snatched from Him. I have not fallen to where I cannot get up. And recently, I am seeing more days of hope, joy and peace than days of darkness.
My foundation, my prayer warriors, my quiet time, my willingness to try new things, persevere, and God’s providence of all these components to build my faith have sustained me. God is loving me through His provision of these things. He spoke to my heart when I was a young girl, fully aware of what would come. He readied me and all I had to do was hang on. I said yes when He called, and I hung on. He did the heavy lifting. He always does.
By the way, I do not believe in coincidences, and I do love irony. John, the author recounting the earlier verse, was an apostle who lived a very long life serving the Lord, no matter how difficult his life became. No one was able to snatch him and he never fell to the ground – he was never outside God’s protection. Nor am I. And the husband I mentioned, who I met much later in life, (that’s another blog) is named Matthew, the author who recounted the other verse. Oh, and his birthday is 10:29. Hmmmmm…….God is so creative, so steady and so present. Just hang on.
