I don’t know about you, but whenever I feel wrongfully treated, there is a temptation in me to want to defend and justify myself. In times where someone believes slander or a lie about me, I have a strong desire to prove them wrong and set the record straight. But the question I struggle with is, “Is this the right response God is wanting me to take or is this my flesh and pride getting in the way?”

I have always felt God’s presence very clearly when He is leading me to do something. So, when I feel trepidatious after prayer, not knowing what to do or say next, I am nervous. I wonder, now what? Is it me? Have I lost the ability to perceive His presence? Or am I supposed to wait on Him to make things clear?

I’ve had a very hard time managing grief in my life for the past 12 years (If I’m honest, closer to 20). But in the last five, it all went truly over the edge. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, hopelessness, rage – name an out of control negative emotion and I’ve felt it and likely acted on it.

When life feels uncertain, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to control everything. We want answers. We want to feel prepared. We want to make sure nothing is left up in the air. At least, I feel that way. It seems safer to hold tight than to surrender. But when I start clinging to control, I usually end up feeling the opposite of peace. I get anxious. Overwhelmed. Hopeless.

I don’t know about you but I am exhausted right now. And I’m not just talking about a physical exhaustion where I didn’t get enough sleep, but rather an emotional, mental and spiritual exhaustion that comes from too many battles – battles of life as I navigate the difficulties and uncertainties brought on by a fallen and broken world.

I’ve visited many places in the world, and I will always choose to live in a place with four clear seasons. Those seasons help me to remember God’s faithfulness and His restoration. I find peace and joy in the colors God has chosen for plants and flowers, bugs and birds.