I have always felt God’s presence very clearly when He is leading me to do something. So, when I feel trepidatious after prayer, not knowing what to do or say next, I am nervous. I wonder, now what? Is it me? Have I lost the ability to perceive His presence? Or am I supposed to wait on Him to make things clear?

I used to love change...But now, as an official “middle-aged” woman, I yearn for stability and security…I think it’s a natural shift. However, while I’m not looking for change, I do fear being stagnant — staying so long and so quiet in my comfort zone that I don’t experience all that God wants me to or has for me. 

When life feels uncertain, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to control everything. We want answers. We want to feel prepared. We want to make sure nothing is left up in the air. At least, I feel that way. It seems safer to hold tight than to surrender. But when I start clinging to control, I usually end up feeling the opposite of peace. I get anxious. Overwhelmed. Hopeless.

I don’t know about you but I am exhausted right now. And I’m not just talking about a physical exhaustion where I didn’t get enough sleep, but rather an emotional, mental and spiritual exhaustion that comes from too many battles – battles of life as I navigate the difficulties and uncertainties brought on by a fallen and broken world.

10 months I waited. 10 months I waited for what was next in my life. Did God not hear my prayers? About how I wanted to pursue His will for my life? Why was God withholding His plan from me? Shouldn't He want to give me the plans for my life?

I am not patient. It is a fruit of the Spirit that I continue to struggle to cultivate.