When life feels uncertain, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to control everything. We want answers. We want to feel prepared. We want to make sure nothing is left up in the air. At least, I feel that way. It seems safer to hold tight than to surrender. But when I start clinging to control, I usually end up feeling the opposite of peace. I get anxious. Overwhelmed. Hopeless.

10 months I waited. 10 months I waited for what was next in my life. Did God not hear my prayers? About how I wanted to pursue His will for my life? Why was God withholding His plan from me? Shouldn't He want to give me the plans for my life?

Is our faith in God that fragile that the minute something doesn’t happen, we doubt everything God has said to us? What does this say about who we believe God to be? It’s not about the size of our faith but the matter in which our faith belongs. So what do we do?

Recently, at my internship, a lot of people have told me that they see that I could be a team lead and recommended that I apply for a full-time internship with this church. This terrified me – mostly insecurity on my part.... So many doubts went into my head about me not being fit enough to lead, not being able to communicate that well, and wondering if I could handle that much pressure and responsibility. 

I am not patient. It is a fruit of the Spirit that I continue to struggle to cultivate.

There is an old saying that in a foxhole, there is no such thing as an atheist. The idea behind it implies that when people are facing a life or death situation, even those strongly opposed to the existence of God cry out for Divine help in their hopeful desperation. This raises a question: does prayer actually change anything?